Some days you find yourself thinking, my body is hurting, I am getting older, my relationship is going nowhere or hit a rocky road, I never have enough money, I have to live week by week. And if all this is not enough, you end up with the conclusion – my life sucks. I don’t know what to do. And even if I tried nothing ever works for me anyway.

Unfortunately these sort of things tend to be on a lot of people’s mind. They choose these thoughts, and after a while they have chosen them for so long that it becomes the natural programming of people’s minds.

It is all well and good to say go and change this way of thinking, which can certainly be done, what I believe helps us to make this shift is to understand where these thoughts came from. So when someone asks you ‘How is your life?’ and you automatically pick one or more of the above answers, it is time to discover why!

I am here to tell you that what you normally would link to these thoughts, is not actually the problem. These complaints are just the outer effect of your internal thought pattern. Your fundamental thought pattern is actually the basis of all your outer effects.

Check your answers to the following questions:

  • How is your life?
  • How is your health?
  • What do you do for a living? Do you like it?
  • How are your finances looking?
  • How are your relationships?

Your language will tell you a lot about your fundamental thought pattern. So let’s take it to the next level. If I asked you to finish the sentence ‘I should…’ How hard would it be for you to do? Go on, try it! For the next 5 minutes write as many things as you can starting with this, and then ask yourself, why?

Now we are getting to real answers. Do you see a pattern emerging? Often we find that the lot of ‘I shoulds’ are based on limited beliefs that we picked up through our lives. Have you met someone that keeps going at a career that they hate with a passion and find that the only reason they are in it is because ‘My mother said I should’.

These beliefs can give us limitations and blockages in our lives. So let’s look at them a different way. Look at your previous list and change each item to, ‘If I really wanted to, I could…’ and ask yourself, ‘Why haven’t you?’.  Now check your answer again. I bet they come out completely different. You may even find that some items on there are completely irrelevant to you, other items may bring out fears and many a times we end up with the all mighty ‘Because I am not good enough’.

Way too often we find that the ‘I am not good enough’ belief is based on things that we didn’t want to do in the first instance. People berate themselves for all the wrong reason and then make it their overarching belief.

What is there on your ‘should’ list that give you these kind of feelings and beliefs? Were they something you wanted to do to for yourself or are they something that you feel you had to do because someone else was expecting it off you. If it is the latter take it off your list of things to do. It doesn’t serve your greater good, removing it will give you a great sense of relief.

Going through this will help you shift your thinking on many levels. Firstly you will find yourself doing things you want to do, lifting your happiness level. Secondly it will remove the negative belief of yourself once you no longer try to live up to someone else’s standard.

It can be challenging to know what you truly want if you never had the chance to ask for it. Join our Goal Setting Masterclass to learn how to find what you truly want.