One of the most important form of intelligence is social intelligence, the ability to get along well with other people. At least 85% of your success in life will be based on how well you can interact with others, how effective you are with them while getting them to cooperate, so why not master the skill?
Most joy in life comes from happy relationships, and I don’t just mean intimate relationships, but work relationships and friendships and any other form you can think of. To start building happy relationships we have to look within. To have ‘healthy relationships’ we have to have a healthy personality ourselves.
What does that mean? Firstly your personality is healthy to a degree to which you look for the good in people and situations, and unhealthy to the degree you look for the ‘bad’ in others. Let’s ask yourself the question, do you look for and find good in others or do you constantly criticize and complain about them?
Secondly, you have to measure your personality by forgiveness. Most unhappiness and psychomatic illness is caused by the inability to forgive others. The act of forgiving can set yourself free, it is a very liberating experience. Unhealthy people hate, are preoccupied with anger and resentment over things that happened in their past. This can not only cloud their minds, but can also show up in physical illnesses.
Healthy people on the other hand keep their minds clear of problems, they let them go, and forgive others.
Third measure to your personality is how well you can get along with different kinds of people, different temperaments, personalities, attitudes, people with different values or opinions. This is directly correlating with how well you love and accept yourself.
The more you like and accept yourself the more you will like and accept others, as your self esteem improves so will your relationships with others. Your life also becomes happier and more fulfilling.
So now that you checked yourself, how can you improve relationships? Well humans are funny creatures, we like indirect approach generally. An indirect way of impressing another person is to be impressed by the other person. The more impressed you look by them the more impressed they will be by you.
If you want someone to be interested in you, become interested in them. If you want to be happy, make someone else happy. If you want to gain someone’s respect make sure you show them respect. It is all based on the principle of reciprocity.
If you do something nice for someone they want to reciprocate it. What you send out, you get back.
You can actually improve your own personality by helping others improve theirs. Everyone you meet has a history, some sort of struggle in their life, mostly in the area of self esteem, self confidence. We need external recognition, a stroke to our ego to feel successful and elevated. This also helps us to cement a positive image about ourselves.
The most successful and happy people are those that make others feel good about themselves. Take every opportunity to say and do things to make people feel valuable. By doing so you will find that all sorts of opportunities will come to you, not only that but you impress into your own mind what you express to others.
Going through the day looking for ways to make others feel important, will not only make you popular it will also help you lower your stress levels, improve your energy levels, and create a greater peace of mind.
If you are wondering how you can raise someone else’s self esteem, your best starting point is – not tearing it down. If you cant say anything nice, then don’t say anything at all. Destructive criticism lowers self esteem, and over time destroys relationships.
Destructive criticism attacks the core of a person, triggers feelings of guilt and inferiority, even if you call it ‘constructive criticism’. Such feedback immediately puts the other person in defense mode. Best decision you can ever make is stop criticizing others, become a positive person, build people up. Refusing to criticize will enable you to stay detached and not become emotionally involved. No matter what one person has done, keep your opinion to yourself.
If you have the habit of complaining, stop it now, if you constantly complaining you will attract other complainers into your life. Remember also what you dwell upon you will bring into reality. Successful people do not complain, if they have a problem they get busy taking action toward fixing whatever the problem is.
Resolve to not complain, criticize or condemn. As Henry Ford said ‘Never complain. Never explain.’